Is it a rite of passage or just plain wrong? What would you do if you found out your teenager was planning a wild house party while you were out of town?
Kevin Haggerty is the Assistant Director of the Social Development Research Group at the U.W. School of Social Work.
"If you find out about this, this is a great opportunity for you as a parent to really be clear about what your expectations around underage drinking and what their responsibilities at home are," says Haggerty.
"I've heard huge horror stories where the party goes out of control, then the police come and the kids scatter. Then the police find the girl drunk in the bathtub and unconscious," says Haggerty.
There are other horror stories out there. This past winter, Jill Abbett of Boston, MA returned home from a trip to France only to find her house ruins.
"Indescribable. It was an absolute disaster. It was just a disgusting disaster. My home was destroyed," says Abbett.
Her son threw a party that got out of control. The guests demolished walls, ceilings, urinated on the furniture and damaged the family truck. In all, Abbett suffered more than $40,000 in damages and stolen property.
Haggerty says we may be hearing more stories like this because word spreads much faster these days thanks to texting and social networking sites.
"The worry's not always about what your teen will do - rather it's not knowing what the other kids will do," says Haggerty.
So if you get wind of a party in the works, do you rush home screaming and hollering or do you plan the sneak attack? Haggerty says both could backfire.
"That breeds resentment and revenge and you just push them further, so maybe the risk to that wouldn't be great."
Besides, you may not have to go that far. While teens love MySpace, Twitter and Facebook, they can work in a parent's favor too. Often times, teens announce their party plans over these social networking sites. If you're part of their network, you'll get the message too.
Another important suggestion: put relatives and neighbors on alert when you're heading out of town. You may also want to consider a house sitter.
While Haggerty is not a fan of leaving teenagers (minors) at home for days on end, he says if that's your choice, you need to sit down with your kids and explain the consequences before you leave.
"You will also want to coach them through the scenario: What are you going to do in this situation? What if a friend calls and makes the suggestion? What could go wrong? Lets play it out and practice," says Haggerty.
When it comes to punishment, make sure it's something you can live with. For example, if you put your teen on house arrest, then *you're* pretty much on house arrest . Instead Haggerty suggests going after what he calls the six "C's": cell phone, computer time, cash, car, curfew, cops.
The last thing you wants is the police coming by your home in response to an out-of-control party. They could if a teenager is injured, picked up for drunk driving or assaulted in your home. In certain instances, parents can be held liable.
Kevin Haggerty is the Assistant Director of the Social Development Research Group at the U.W. School of Social Work.
"If you find out about this, this is a great opportunity for you as a parent to really be clear about what your expectations around underage drinking and what their responsibilities at home are," says Haggerty.
"I've heard huge horror stories where the party goes out of control, then the police come and the kids scatter. Then the police find the girl drunk in the bathtub and unconscious," says Haggerty.
There are other horror stories out there. This past winter, Jill Abbett of Boston, MA returned home from a trip to France only to find her house ruins.
"Indescribable. It was an absolute disaster. It was just a disgusting disaster. My home was destroyed," says Abbett.
Her son threw a party that got out of control. The guests demolished walls, ceilings, urinated on the furniture and damaged the family truck. In all, Abbett suffered more than $40,000 in damages and stolen property.
Haggerty says we may be hearing more stories like this because word spreads much faster these days thanks to texting and social networking sites.
"The worry's not always about what your teen will do - rather it's not knowing what the other kids will do," says Haggerty.
So if you get wind of a party in the works, do you rush home screaming and hollering or do you plan the sneak attack? Haggerty says both could backfire.
"That breeds resentment and revenge and you just push them further, so maybe the risk to that wouldn't be great."
Besides, you may not have to go that far. While teens love MySpace, Twitter and Facebook, they can work in a parent's favor too. Often times, teens announce their party plans over these social networking sites. If you're part of their network, you'll get the message too.
Another important suggestion: put relatives and neighbors on alert when you're heading out of town. You may also want to consider a house sitter.
While Haggerty is not a fan of leaving teenagers (minors) at home for days on end, he says if that's your choice, you need to sit down with your kids and explain the consequences before you leave.
"You will also want to coach them through the scenario: What are you going to do in this situation? What if a friend calls and makes the suggestion? What could go wrong? Lets play it out and practice," says Haggerty.
When it comes to punishment, make sure it's something you can live with. For example, if you put your teen on house arrest, then *you're* pretty much on house arrest . Instead Haggerty suggests going after what he calls the six "C's": cell phone, computer time, cash, car, curfew, cops.
The last thing you wants is the police coming by your home in response to an out-of-control party. They could if a teenager is injured, picked up for drunk driving or assaulted in your home. In certain instances, parents can be held liable.
